He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
