____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
