I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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