the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So many bounce houses so little time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
