She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
