I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize