let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
