let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
