While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
