Can i not drive my cunt home
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
