sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
