Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
