Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
