today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
