It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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