Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
