her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
