Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
