three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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