Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
