textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
