It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
