at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
