I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
