I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
