im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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