I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he thought i was a dude.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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