Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
