I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
