dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
