hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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