you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
