I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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