he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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