I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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