at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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