So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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