What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
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We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sext me about skeletons
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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