took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
