It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
