I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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