but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
