Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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