Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
