We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
