She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
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He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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