theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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