YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
