She is in my trunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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