Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
