Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
