If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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