Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
