Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just google imaged poop.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
