I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
