1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
