you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
