remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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