something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
