dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
