we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCHâ€.
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