We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
