I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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