I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize