Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
