this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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