I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
